The Best Kind
of Socialization
by J. Michael Smith, HSLDA President (Home School Legal
Defense Association)
"Every child should experience a bloody nose in the school
yard. This is simply part of growing up and part of the socialization process.”
This statement was made in a legal brief many years ago by an attorney
representing the State of North Dakota. He was arguing that education is more
than academics. Ignoring the fact that North Dakota’s homeschooled children
were doing very well academically, the state took the position that children
need to be “properly socialized”—and that proper socialization can only take
place in a traditional school setting.
The universal need for a bloody nose experience claim would
be comical but for the fact that far too many people share this attorney’s
presupposition. In fact, the most common question asked of homeschoolers is,
“What about socialization?” Thankfully, it is not difficult to turn the
socialization question around and make a strong case for homeschooling.
The term “socialization” has many connotations, but when
addressed to a homeschooling family, the implication normally is that
socialization means children spending a lot of time with children in the same
age group or grade. The McGraw-Hill Dictionary of Scientific and Technical
Terms defines socialization as “the process whereby a child learns to get along
with and to behave similarly to other people in the group, largely through
imitation as well as group pressure.” According to this definition, we can
assume that socialization can be either positive or negative, but not neutral.
In the New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, socialization is
defined as learning the customs, attitudes, and values of a social group,
community, or culture. Socialization is essential for the development of
individuals who can participate and function within their societies, as well as
for ensuring that a society’s cultural features will be carried on through new
generations. Still further, the American Heritage Stedman’s Medical Dictionary
defines socialization as “the process of learning interpersonal and
interactional skills that are in conformity with the values of one’s society.”
A common theme of these definitions seems to be behavior
that conforms to the society or group. Hence, nonconformists—when it comes to
proper socialization—are suspect. Because homeschoolers do not conform to
traditional education norms, many people assume that homeschoolers are not
properly socialized.
I like prominent psychologist and author Dr. Robert
Epstein’s (1) definition of socialization:
“Socialization is just a process by
which we learn to be part of a community.” He continues, “So the question is,
what community do we want our young people to learn to be part of? Some parents
have said to me, ‘Aren’t school and high school, in particular, very important
for socialization?’ And my emphatic answer is no, because we do not want young people
socializing with each other. We want them to learn to join the community that
they’ll be part of their whole lives. We want them to learn to become adults.
Right now, they learn everything they know from each other—that’s absurd,
especially since teens in our society are controlled almost entirely by the
frivolous media and fashion industries. If you look through most of human history or you look at
many cultures today, you find that teens spend most of their time learning to
become adults. Here, they spend most of their time trying to break away from
adults.” (2)
Many homeschoolers have specifically chosen homeschooling
because their view is that school and the typical peer groups found there are
not forces of positive socialization.
We know from anecdotal evidence that the majority of
homeschooled teens are not experiencing traditional teen rebellion.
Homeschooling Grows Up, HSLDA’s 2004 research report by Dr. Brian D. Ray of the
National Home Education Research Institute, offers data showing that
homeschooled teens are successfully integrating into society. (3) There is very
little evidence of teenage rebellion, and significant numbers of students
demonstrate their maturity by being involved in their communities and generally
report a good relationship with their parents.
Homeschoolers now are not alone in their view of the
negative impact peer pressure has on proper socialization. Dr. Epstein is
challenging the conventional idea that teenagers have to go through a period of
rebellion or turmoil. Dr. Epstein claims that the way teenagers are treated in
society by parents, institutional schools, entertainment media, and peers, is
more likely to cause observable differences in the way a teen operates as
compared to an adult. He points out that if teen rebellion were simply a
function of the brain, we would see the phenomenon across all cultures in all time
periods. This isn’t the case. In pre-industrial cultures, where teens spent
most of their time with adults, the majority of these societies didn’t even
develop a word for adolescence, and most young males in these cultures did not
display anti-social behavior. Studies show that, beginning in the 1980s,
delinquency increased in non-western countries when western-style schooling,
television, and movies were introduced.
Dr. Epstein concludes that the strong and largely negative
influences of peers, schools, and the media are the main forces driving teen
behavior in developed nations, offering a plausible explanation for why
American teens are often immature and rebellious. (Now, aren’t you glad you
chose homeschooling, especially for your teens?)
Another positive result of the socialization homeschooled
children receive is that they mature more quickly and are able to handle
responsibilities at a younger age. This reality challenges us as parents: Are
we willing to let our children develop independence much earlier than their
peers in other school settings? I agree with Dr. Epstein that this is a positive
thing for young people—as long as they can continue to recognize the
responsibility they have to respect and obey their parents and others in
authority over them.
Although it is hard for many of us to accept the transition,
we are preparing our children to think for themselves and to make wise
decisions when they are on their own. This means that we can expect more from
our children at younger ages and give them more responsibility. And as they
show competence in the tasks we assign them, then we can give them greater
responsibility. This is the recipe for preparing young people who can truly
advance the Kingdom of God, especially at younger ages.
The bottom line is that we don’t want our children
socialized to become mindless robots for the mass culture and the state, or to
develop attitudes, beliefs, and behavior that are not in their best interests.
We want our children to practice the Golden Rule, have good manners, respect
people with different beliefs, and have strong opinions based upon a Christian
worldview that they can articulate with grace.
Providing the opportunity for our teens’ exposure to
positive role models and other adults in our families, churches, and
communities will reap positive rewards. So will helping them to make choices
that limit their exposure to peer pressure and the mass media marketing of
undesirable role models. If this nonconformist type of socialization still troubles
our neighbors, relatives, and/or friends, so be it. God gave us specifically to
our children to raise them to please Him, not to please anyone else.
Endnotes:
1 Robert Epstein is a Ph.D. of
Harvard University, the former Editor-in-Chief of Psychology Today magazine, a
visiting scholar at the University of California San Diego, the founder and
Director Emeritus of the Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies, and the host
of Psyched! on Sirius Satellite Radio. For information on his latest book, The
Case Against Adolescence: Rediscovering the Adult in Every Teen, visit www.TheCaseAgainstAdolescence.com.
2 Dr.
Epstein’s definition of socialization is excerpted from the article “Q&A
with Dr. Epstein” in the July/ August 2007 issue of the Home School Court
Report.
3 Dr. Brian
Ray is president of the National Home Education Research Institute (NHERI). He
holds his Ph.D. in science education from Oregon State University. The complete
research report on this study of home-educated adults, available at www.NHERI
.org, is entitled Home Educated and Now Adults: Their Community and Civic
Involvement, Views About Homeschooling, and Other Traits.
